Foreign Food Experiments (Part 1)

Let’s talk food.  Yay!  The first thing you need to know about me is that I don’t have four food groups like other people.  I only have three: chocolate, cheese and bread.  Hey, I earned these hips honestly, folks.   Seriously, food is an important part of travel.  As humans, scattered across this big, blue ball in the cosmos, there is more that is similar about us than is different.  One of the major things that connects us is food. 

Celebration = food.  Comfort = food.  Camaraderie = food.  History = food. 

Therefore, one of the best ways to learn about a new culture is by eating that culture’s food.  I am not saying that I eat 1,000-year old fermented eggs or seasoned insects like those wackjob guys on T.V. Nope, nope and nope.  However, you cannot be afraid to try every item that looks mildly unfamiliar either.  Sometimes you will score big and sometimes you won’t.   Either way, the stories will be pretty cool.   I now present to you: a few of my favorite travel food experiments!

Poi in Hawaii

I have been hearing about poi since I was a kid.  I knew almost nothing about the cultures that make up Hawaii (Polynesian et. al.), but I knew poi is a thing they eat.  I was very excited about trying it because it seemed like an authentic food item to try when in Hawaii.  What is poi?  It is fermented taro root that gets baked and then pounded into a smooth paste.  I was not expecting it to be lavender.  (Well, to be accurate, is is lavender-grey).  I mean, let’s face it, there are not a lot of lavender foods out there.  Maybe poi is actually the food of unicorns. 

Final verdict: Poi is not the food of unicorns.  If it was, it would taste like rainbows and warm brownies.  It does not.  It tastes like nothing.  It is hard to describe but, the taste is blandness, if that makes any sense.   I did not know that it was possible for a food to truly have no taste at all, but it is.  I tried dipping bread and vegetables in my poi.  There was no improvement.  Anyway, this was not one of my more successful food experiments, but it was fun all the same. 

Guinness in Dublin

I am braced for the controversy of this story.  Therefore, I will preface this story by saying that I am not a beer drinker.  I do not like it.  Most beer drinkers will tell you that if you are a beer amateur then attempting dark lagers is not a wise first move.  However, people who are beer drinkers, often love dark, heavy beers and will sing their praises loudly.  I say yuck.  Scoff at my unworldliness, if you wish.  One of the kings of dark beers is the famous Guinness.  Guinness is brewed and bottled in Dublin, Ireland and is, basically, holy water there.  If you value your life, never say anything negative about Guinness within the confines of the Irish borders.

I had been told that one of the reasons Americans don’t often like Guinness is because it does not travel well.  I have no idea if this is true, but, supposedly, it tastes much better when you can drink it fresh.  To do this, you must be in Ireland.  Several years ago, I decided to try Guinness while in Dublin in the vain hope that I would understand what all the hubbub is about.  Once in the pub, someone suggested that I try a shot of whiskey inside my Guinness.  This was supposed to improve the taste if one is not used to drinking dark lagers.  Apparently, I am a sucker, because I allowed an actual shot glass full of whiskey to be dropped into the bottom of my beer glass.  (This is not an Irish Car Bomb, by the way.  That drink has beer, whiskey and Irish cream liqueur.)

Locals tell me that Guinness goes bad very quickly and if the head (foam) starts to evaporate, your beer is already going bad.  This is why you will often see the Irish guzzling a pint of Guinness.  It is not a sipping beer.  They often try to drink it quickly before it has a chance to go bad.  A risky endeavor for one’s sobriety, obviously.  My husband and I had to share one pint in order to finish it.  This is (as you can imagine) unheard of. 

Final verdict:  The whiskey does not help.  Guinness is gross.  Do not send a mob with flaming pitchforks after me.  I am not such a wimp that I need to drink only Shirley Temples, but Guinness will never be on my list.  Blech.

Mofongo in Puerto Rico

Once upon a time, Saturday Night Live (SNL) had a skit where Kenan Thompson played pro-baseball player David Ortiz.  He talks about Mofongo a lot.  At the time, I did not know what that was or why someone would mention it over and over.  After travelling to Puerto Rico three times, I now understand that Mofongo is so prevalent on the island, the skit makes perfect sense.

Mofongo is under-ripe plantains that you slice and deep fry.  Then, using a mortar and pestle, you smoosh up the fried plantains into a paste and mix it with copious amounts of butter and garlic.  Let’s face it, nothing bad can happen when you add lots of butter and garlic. . . just sayin’.  Many people add chicharrones (pork rinds) too during the smooshing process.  Most of the time, mofongo seems to be eaten as a side dish.  However, we did locate one restaurant that specialized only in mofongo.  No matter what dish you ordered, the base was the traditional mofongo, but then you could add meats drenched in various homemade sauces so the mofongo became a super-hearty main dish.  Our dinner is pictured below.  It was one of our favorite restaurants of the entire Puerto Rico experience. This is starchy, stick-to-your-ribs food.  So, no, there is no way to finish an entire bowl that large.

Final verdict: Mofongo is the food of the Gods.  I am pretty sure that when Zeus was feeding the Gods/Goddesses on Mt. Olympus, he was feeding them mofongo.  I know history says it was ambrosia, but there is no way that’s accurate.  I mean seriously.  A dish that mixes sour cream with mini-marshmallows versus a dish where garlic and butter figure prominently?  No contest.

Stay tuned for more food experiments in another post coming soon!